EPISODE 7 – Return
It was already two weeks after what happened in Lanre’s house between Sade and Lanre. Sade insisted they should start meeting either in a church, a restaurant or an open field with people around, to avoid unnecessary intimacy. Lanre agreed, though he didn’t like the idea at first. He thought having people around would cause distractions even though everyone would normally go about his or her business. Sade wasn’t going for any other option, so they both settled for that. Lanre made a reservation a week earlier at a popular restaurant, near the University. They sat facing each other and both ordered for rice and chicken with bottles of chilled water. They had their table slightly away from other customers, Lanre’s request. Their food got served. Lanre prayed over the food, afterwards Sade took a glass of water first (ladies’ secrets in order to eat smaller portion especially when eating out).
“How have you been, Sade?” Lanre asked
“Fine, of course, what do you expect?” Sade replied avoiding eye contact
“You’re still angry over what happened. I’m sorry, Sade. I thought you agreed we can start afresh and let bygone be bygone. I know God has already forgiven us, please let’s also forgive ourselves, “Lanre pleaded
“I have forgiven you and us but I’m just wondering if God has indeed forgiven us” Sade expressed her concern
“Why do you think He hasn’t forgiven us?” Lanre sipped from the glass of water
“I can’t pray, Lanre. I find it hard to connect while I’m singing. I have lost confidence in myself when in His presence. I feel He’s angry and unhappy with me, with us” Sade expressed her state of despondency
“Hmmm… you know it’s very dangerous if we allow regrets, depression and condemnation keep us away from God’s extended hand of mercy. I’m not taking delight or justifying our action but we should not allow ourselves to be swept away from God. Yes, we have sinned but He said in Hebrews 4:16 that we should approach the throne of grace with boldness, that we might obtain mercy and find grace in this our time of need. Sade, let’s not allow this.”
“But Lanre, is this not a false hope? Do you think we are forgiven? What if He has revealed to brethren in the fellowship already? How will I face them? I am the choir leader for goodness sake”
“That should be the least of your worries, Sade. If God chooses to reveal to anyone, it’s to bring us back to Him and if we have to face any disciplinary measure, so be it. The most important thing on our mind should be how to be reconciled back to Him in terms of relationship. If anyone wants to judge us because of that, let them go ahead. Sade, I need us to be on the same page”
“Hmmm” Sade sighed
The food was getting cold as neither of them touched it yet. Lanre called on one of the waitresses to help them pack their food as take-away.
“He seemed really different today,” Sade was wondering. She wished she had the same confidence and strength as Lanre. She hoped this kind of issue never happened, she hoped they could just keep themselves till the right time. She wished he would have proposed to her after she had gone for her NYSC, maybe there wouldn’t have been an occasion for this kind of mess. If she had been strong enough on those days not to have yielded to the temptation, if only…”
“Do you want it Sade?” Lanre asked the second time as he touched Sade’s hand, having noticed she was so lost in thought.
“Excuse me, want what?” Sade jerked back to reality and was at the verge of attacking Lanre, with the word, ‘want’ she heard from him.
“The food has been packed, I was asking if you would want a soft drink to be added to the pack,” Lanre explained
What was Sade thinking? She didn’t even realize a waitress was standing by.
“Oh, never mind. I’ll have… just the food. Thanks” She felt embarrassed with the way she snapped at Lanre earlier, especially with the waitress around.
The waitress dropped the food and left.
Lanre continued…
“You know, Sade, these two weeks apart kept me thinking, it actually gave me a chance to examine myself very well and to take a sincere look at our state for the past 6 months. I realized how much we have been cheating on ourselves, “
“Cheating on ourselves?” Sade asked, as she didn’t understand his direction of thoughts
“Yes. It’s like stealing from one’s own treasure house and getting it exposed to the devourer. But from now on, we are not exposing ourselves anymore, Sade. Not anymore. We are not going back to slavery anymore in Jesus’ name”
“Amen” they both chorused
“But Lanre, I want to ask a question.”
“Please, go ahead”
“How is it so easy for you to bounce back and grow the confidence to think in this direction? It’s not the same with me. I feel so bad and condemned all the time. I feel so unfit and feel I have disappointed God’s trust in me. It is so overwhelming,” Sade lamented
“Hmmm, Sade, if I tell you I didn’t feel like that at some point after the last time. I’ll be deceiving you. I was like that for quite a number of days, coupled with the fact that you ignored my calls. I was really worried to the extent that some of my colleagues at work thought I was unwell. But this word from Acts 3:19; ‘Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord’ came to me and that was all I needed.”
“Ok, but I still don’t understand how it’s related to my present feelings”
“It is. I realized that all I was doing was feeling bad and being remorseful for what had happened but it’s not the same as repentance which is to feel remorseful and turn away from the sinful acts, after which the Lord will refresh. That is what you’re lacking Sade. Approach His throne of mercy with boldness and you will obtain grace and be restored,”
“Hmmm, so this is where I’ve been missing it” Sade said, nodding her head
“Yes, dear sister Sade” Lanre responded, happy that she was responsive and not being cold towards him anymore.
It was obvious all she needed was just a reassurance that they could find their way back to God and not to glory in sin.
“Lanre, it’s as if a burden has been lifted off my shoulder. Thank you Jesus. Lord, we are so sorry for disappointing you all these while” Sade said as she looked up with her hands put together under her jaw.
“Forgive us, Lord” Lanre echoed as he also looked up to the heavens.
“Amen” They both chorused
“If you won’t mind, an idea is impressed in my spirit right now” Sade suddenly looked bright as she turned to Lanre
“What idea?”
“I do think we should both find someone trustworthy and higher spiritually to open up to, so they can pray for and with us?” Sade suggested
“I don’t think that is necessary” Lanre replied as he rolled his eyes
He continued, “We are both leaders in the fellowship, at least you’re still a leader while I served as the Bible study coordinator. I don’t think we need to discuss this with anyone”
“Can we pray about this?” Sade requested, she knew it might be hard to convince him
“We should pray? Ok, let’s pray about it” Lanre reluctantly replied
“Remember you mentioned earlier that what matters isn’t that God reveals to people but that we are fully restored back to God. I understand your concern but our purpose in God matters, don’t let’s trade it at the table of being concerned about what people say” Sade reminded him of his own lines
“You’re right, Sade. Let’s do this”
“Discuss with someone?”
Lanre smiled
“Let’s pray about it first. You seem to have someone in mind already, do you?”
Sade laughed “Ah, not at all. I told you it just came to mind, I didn’t conceive the idea before now”
“Ok then, let’s pray about it. I’m sure He will lead us through”
“Amen” Sade responded
A light shone on her face and she smiled broadly. Lanre was happy to see her smile again.
“Thank you Lanre, for not giving up on us. We will fulfil divine mandate upon our lives in Jesus’ name”
“Amen”
Lanre escorted her to her hostel, Kemi wasn’t around. He sent his greetings to her and left for his house.
THOUGHTS: Does being engaged to God’s will in marriage exclude you from falling into sin? Both changed their approach of meeting alone to meeting in a public place. Remember the bible says “flee fornication”. Do not resist what the bible says you should flee from. Was this measure enough to reconcile and restore Lanre and Sade back to God, or they needed more?
QUOTE: “If God chooses to reveal your secret sin to anyone, it’s to bring you back to Him. Whatever disciplinary measure meted out, accept it with joy, so your land may be healed”
To be continued
AUTHOR: Temitope Ibidunni Akinloye
Inspired by the Holy Spirit.