EPISODE 4 – Letting Go
“Sade, let me take you down the memory lane. I grew up in a friendly neighbourhood with neighbours living together in harmony as families, so I love the word family. I am the first child and I have two siblings. When we were growing up, we were taught good values and moral lessons responsible parents teach their wards. Dad was a building contractor while my mum was a civil servant, a secondary school teacher to be precise. We all used to spend weekends together as a family, dad would take us to amusement parks, most times without mum. I really didn’t understand much about their relationship then but I knew mummy wasn’t a happy woman. Hope you are with me?”
“Kemi, I’m fully here with you. I’m all ears”
“I was about 9years old when we started seeing less of my dad in the house. Whenever we asked mum, she would say he had travelled to another city to execute some contracts. True to her words, dad would return and bring us goodies, telling us they were bought from the eastern or northern part of the country. As children, we would gladly accept the goodies and sometimes would keep some to show off to our friends in school”
“So you were among those kids who used to oppress others with candies”
Both of them laughed. Sade cracked that joke to make Kemi feel more relaxed as she was sensing tension and anger from her voice.
“This went on for about two years until I entered secondary school and understood things better. Dad came around after one of his long travels and took us to a restaurant, without mummy again”
“Hold on Kemi. Was it that your mum wasn’t always around whenever your dad was taking the children out or she was always busy?”
“Until I got to secondary school and understood better, I used to think that mum was usually busy like daddy would tell us but then I overheard them the last time we followed him out. He was telling mum he married her to care for the house and his children and since she had not obeyed him, she had ceased to exist to him”
“Kemi, this is getting more complicated than I had imagined. From what I know and what you have said so far, your mum was a secondary school teacher and your dad, a contractor. But you told me some time ago that she was a school principal. Was she ever a full housewife?”
“She was not really a full housewife. My dad wanted her to be. Mum later told me that after she gave birth to my younger brother, Dad started complaining that he was earning enough that could fend for the family and that mum should stop working. She tried to convince him that she was working for the joy and fulfilment of it, not just for the money but my dad wouldn’t have any of it. Mum agreed and later had her last child. She was working in a government school, before it all happened, then she stopped working. So, when my sister, our last born was 4years old, my brother, Kay was 6years and I was 9years old, mum decided to start working again.”
“Wow! That was a huge sacrifice on her part. She didn’t work for 6 years so as to take care of you. That’s huge, God bless her”
“Amen, but dad didn’t see it that way. Immediately, mum brought up the issue, the house started becoming tense and that explains why he would take us out without mum”
“Hmmm” Sade exclaimed
“So, the last time I followed him out when I was around 11years old. I don’t know what dad was thinking. Perhaps he thought I was still a child. We branched at a lady’s house and picked her up on our way to a restaurant. I was surprised this lady whom I was meeting for the first time knew all our names. She stayed with us at the restaurant all through and even offered to buy us gifts afterwards, which I bluntly refused. So she and dad ditched the idea”
“Was your dad having an affair?”
“Obviously, he was. Due to my reaction about not wanting a gift, he warned me and my siblings never to mention anything about the lady to mum or else he won’t take us out again”
“Did you?”
“I didn’t. Maybe I should have, because few months later, dad stopped coming home altogether. He would send money for our well-being but stopped coming around. Mum looked for him everywhere. I later told her about the lady but the information wasn’t new to her, people around had already informed her. It really made mum sad. I blamed myself for following dad out on that day. I thought with my little girl’s mind that if I hadn’t refused the gift, maybe dad wouldn’t have left with the lady”
“I can imagine how you felt”
“Terrible. Mum sent some friends to help beg him. He told those friends that he couldn’t live with a woman who disobeyed his order and who couldn’t respect him.”
“I thought your mum stopped working. How did she disobey him?”
“He said for her to have raised the issue again after 6years, then it meant she wasn’t fully obedient to him. You know men will always give any excuse to satisfy their desires”
“It must have been very hard on your mum”
“Yes, she waited for about 4years going back and forth, Dad didn’t listen. He came to visit me and my siblings in school few times but he never came home. No court settlement, nothing. They were not divorced but physically separated. After 4years, mum decided to live on by pursuing her passion, this time around in a private secondary school. She was made the principal few months after she started working owing to her experience and qualifications”
“That’s great. Your mum was really strong”
“Yes, she was and is still strong. After I gave my life to Jesus in 100level through my roommate, I witnessed to mum and she gave her life to Jesus as well. That marked a remarkable turnaround in her life”
“God used you. God bless your roommate and God bless you too for availing yourself to witness Christ to your mum”
“Now, after about 10 solid years of leaving us, dad came back home, asking for forgiveness. Did he expect everything and everyone to be how he left them? It will be right to say mum prayed him back home after she gave her life to Jesus. He has also accepted Jesus into his life, but it is what it is. He left us”
“Thank God he has given his life to Jesus and now back home. You should forgive him, Kemi”
“After he already had a son with the strange woman? He could have prevented it. I remember how mum used to cry a lot, and would ask herself where she went wrong many times. He is …” Kemi tried to control her words and breathed heavily.
THOUGHTS: Do you still think Kemi’s dad got what he deserved from his daughter? Was Kemi overreacting or her reaction was relatable?
QUOTE: “Childhood experiences can either make or mar an adult”
To be continued
AUTHOR: Temitope Ibidunni Akinloye
Inspired by the Holy Spirit.